A breath of fresh air!!!!!!!

Whew!!! I am so glad that the holidays are over. I am not a fan of the holiday at all. I have made it to another year. I am feeling optismistic about the opportunities that are ahead of me. I am headed in the right directions. I have become aware of my insecurities that could possibly be a hinderance to me and my relationships. It's always so easy to see when someone else is doing something wrong, not so much when it's you doing the wrong. I have no problem with being held accountable for my decisions and behaviors; whether they are good or bad. I just need someone to be true to me and point me out on my ish. I am becoming increasingly closer to God each and everyday. It makes me feel awesome to have created a relationship with God. I do believe that is one of the things that was missing from my hectic life. I am understanding that religion is essential to my overall well being. It is important that I learn how to balance my complex emotions and negative inner feelings with talking things through. I was raised not to have a voice and that affects the way that I behave today. I am very proud of myself for taking the initiative and preparing myself and my family for the road ahead.

I have had several schooling and employment opportunities in the past two or three weeks. Sometimes it becomes overwhelming to make decisions.  I have learned to ask God for guidance and try to stay and listen for an answer. I have been soo elated recently and I pray to God that this feeling stays with me for quite awhile. This writing this blog is very therapeutic for me, even if noone reads this but me, myslef ,and I.

Hugs,
I love you because I finally have learned to love myself.

Here we go again!!!

Hello there! I have said several things that seem to be untrue. I have said more than twice that I would try to post something on a regular basis. As you can see, I haven't posted anything in more than three months. That is way too long to be away from my thoughts. So again, I pledge to write at least once a week, at least. Till next time, peace!

So, I know that I said I would be back tomorrow and never did. So today is September 21, 2011 and it's been about two months since I posted anything. My life has been super busy since then and I am just now starting to relax a little bit. I recently started school on August 1, and I am really enjoying this experience. I am studying to be an Ultrasound Technician. My school is located in Landover, Md, so I have to commute everyday from Baltimore. The drive was really getting to me, along with the gas prices and mileage. So, I have decided to catch the Marc train from Baltimore's Penn station. The ride isn't that bad. It takes about 40 minutes or so to get to my destination.

I have also started to analyze my life and why I am the way that I am. Sometimes I don't like myself and the way that I behave. I am learning new coping skills so that I will not be so amped up all of the time. I am also trying to figure out how to be a better mother to my girls than I have been in the past. It's very difficult to remember all of the things that I need to do along with the needs of my girls. I know that it will take hard work dedication as well as discipline to achieve the overall goal of organization and mental well being. But it will be worth it in the end.

I will begin today by saying that I will try to post everyday. But if for some reason, i don't get a chance to I pledge to post at least once a week.

Till next time!!!

The beginning

I first had a thought to make this blog as a way to document the thoughts that are racing in my head. I never started to write, and then got the idea again. So here I am. I think that me writing will definitely help my calm my spirit. I have some issues that I need to work on to better myself. One of the things that I will work on is my self esteem and that of my three daughters.
I have always felt awkward about my outside beauty. As I became a woman my self esteem was so damaged that I thought the only way to have someone love me, was to have a baby. So I had my first daughter at 19, my second at age 21, and my last at 25. I thought if I had a baby then the men in my life would love me as well and life would be pristine.
I never really understood the true outcome of having children with no real education, career and finances to fall back on. To this day, I still struggle with thoughts that destroy me and are unhealthy. But I know that with time, God and a support system I will heal.
I have a very loving man that makes me feel as beautiful as the most beautiful woman in the world. I am very thankful for him and love him with all that is in me.
Sometimes I don't believe that I have finally found someone who is a genuine and kindhearted. He is an angel and a blessing to me.
I will start making preparations to heal these wounds that afflict so many other young women and girls. Hopefully this will be therapy for me and others.
I'll be back tomorrow,
butterfli