Here we go again!!!

Hello there! I have said several things that seem to be untrue. I have said more than twice that I would try to post something on a regular basis. As you can see, I haven't posted anything in more than three months. That is way too long to be away from my thoughts. So again, I pledge to write at least once a week, at least. Till next time, peace!

So, I know that I said I would be back tomorrow and never did. So today is September 21, 2011 and it's been about two months since I posted anything. My life has been super busy since then and I am just now starting to relax a little bit. I recently started school on August 1, and I am really enjoying this experience. I am studying to be an Ultrasound Technician. My school is located in Landover, Md, so I have to commute everyday from Baltimore. The drive was really getting to me, along with the gas prices and mileage. So, I have decided to catch the Marc train from Baltimore's Penn station. The ride isn't that bad. It takes about 40 minutes or so to get to my destination.

I have also started to analyze my life and why I am the way that I am. Sometimes I don't like myself and the way that I behave. I am learning new coping skills so that I will not be so amped up all of the time. I am also trying to figure out how to be a better mother to my girls than I have been in the past. It's very difficult to remember all of the things that I need to do along with the needs of my girls. I know that it will take hard work dedication as well as discipline to achieve the overall goal of organization and mental well being. But it will be worth it in the end.

I will begin today by saying that I will try to post everyday. But if for some reason, i don't get a chance to I pledge to post at least once a week.

Till next time!!!

The beginning

I first had a thought to make this blog as a way to document the thoughts that are racing in my head. I never started to write, and then got the idea again. So here I am. I think that me writing will definitely help my calm my spirit. I have some issues that I need to work on to better myself. One of the things that I will work on is my self esteem and that of my three daughters.
I have always felt awkward about my outside beauty. As I became a woman my self esteem was so damaged that I thought the only way to have someone love me, was to have a baby. So I had my first daughter at 19, my second at age 21, and my last at 25. I thought if I had a baby then the men in my life would love me as well and life would be pristine.
I never really understood the true outcome of having children with no real education, career and finances to fall back on. To this day, I still struggle with thoughts that destroy me and are unhealthy. But I know that with time, God and a support system I will heal.
I have a very loving man that makes me feel as beautiful as the most beautiful woman in the world. I am very thankful for him and love him with all that is in me.
Sometimes I don't believe that I have finally found someone who is a genuine and kindhearted. He is an angel and a blessing to me.
I will start making preparations to heal these wounds that afflict so many other young women and girls. Hopefully this will be therapy for me and others.
I'll be back tomorrow,
butterfli